A joke for all of you.

[Angry Ninja]

Here is a cool joke for you military types.

There was a Navy Admiral, Marine Corp General, Air Force General, and Army General all sitting at a table playing poker. Ther Marine was doing better than the rest, and postulated that it was because Marines are the bravest among all the services. Of course, the others disagreed, with the Army General indicating that he was willing to prove that his service had the bravest troops. After some discussion, the flag officers all decided to take turns proving that their service was the bravest. So, with that in mind, the 3 Generals and the Admiral all went to Fallujah in Iraq.

The Marine Corp General said "Watch this," to the others, and then proceeded to issue an order to a Corporal on the front line. He said "Corporal, I want you to prove to these honorable officers that there is nothing more courageous than a United States Marine." The Corporal said "Sir, yes sir," and then took his rifle and assaulted a nearby building by himself. The building was filled with 13 insurgents, and was well defended. Still, the Corporal managed to clear the building killing every insurgent despite the great risk to himself. The other flag officers watched and the Army General said "that truly was a display of courage, but I believe the Army could do better. With that said, they all went to Afghanistan

(Continued with the next post...)

[Angry Ninja]

So, all the Generals and the Admiral went to Afghanistan and met up with an Army Special Forces A-Team. The Army General told the Specialist in charge that he needed him and his team to prove to the other flag officers that the men of the United States Army were the fiercest and bravest soldiers to ever have served in an armed force in history. The Army Specialist said "Hooah sir," and then took his team to the border area of Pakistan. The Generals and the Admiral observed the team with remotely through digital sat-imaging, and saw that the team was about to engage a strong force of Taliban radicals consisting of over 100 men. The 4 man A-Team engaged the Taliban, and after a two hour firefight, only the 4 man A-Team was left standing. They were all wounded, but indicated that they were ready for further orders. The Army General then looked at the others and said "now gentlemen, that is bravery." The Air Force General smirked and declared, "Well if that is bravery, I have something to show you." With that, the three Generals and the Admiral took a C-130 transport to a remote Air Force base North of Las Vegas.

(Continued with the next post...)

[Angry Ninja]

The Air Force General and the other flag officers approached a lone pilot standing next to a strange looking aircraft. The Air Force General said "Gentlemen, this is the XF-54, a futuristic plane that can go Mach 12, and this test pilot is going to demonstrate the upper altitude limits of this aircraft." He looked at the pilot and said "Captain, I want you to fly the XF-54 and show these flag officers that you have the right stuff." The pilot yelled "Sir, yes sir," got his gear together, and proceeded to fly towards space. The flag officers were all awe inspired by the aircraft, but even more so inspired by the brave pilot that truly had the right stuff, for the pilot flew the plane straight into the edge of space, ejected, and burned up upon re-entry. The Admiral laughed and said "well, that sure was brave, but I believe I can one-up that guy." With that said, the 3 Generals and the Admiral headed to Naval Air Station, North Island.

(Continued with the next post...)

[perfect]

The Air Force General and the other flag officers approached a lone pilot standing next to a strange looking aircraft. The Air Force General said "Gentlemen, this is the XF-54, a futuristic plane that can go Mach 12, and this test pilot is going to demonstrate the upper altitude limits of this aircraft." He looked at the pilot and said "Captain, I want you to fly the XF-54 and show these flag officers that you have the right stuff." The pilot yelled "Sir, yes sir," got his gear together, and proceeded to fly towards space. The flag officers were all awe inspired by the aircraft, but even more so inspired by the brave pilot that truly had the right stuff, for the pilot flew the plane straight into the edge of space, ejected, and burned up upon re-entry. The Admiral laughed and said "well, that sure was brave, but I believe I can one-up that guy." With that said, the 3 Generals and the Admiral headed to Naval Air Station, North Island.

(Continued with the next post...)

**** you, Sir. That takes balls.

[Venzule]

**** you, Sir. That takes balls.

You seem to have alot to say about balls lately. You not getting any or something?

[perfect]

You seem to have alot to say about balls lately. You not getting any or something?

It's the end to his joke. I didn't bring it up.

[Angry Ninja]

The 4 flag officers were now on the flight deck of the U.S.S. Nimitz. The Admiral said "now gentlemen, this is going to shock you to see a sailor so brazen, brave, and have completely no regard for his own well being." The Admiral pointed up to the ship's island and saw some sailor chipping paint with a needle gun about 100 feet above the flight deck. The Admiral yelled "Hey Petty Officer, I want you to jump from your location into the San Diego Bay and swim to Point Loma." The sailor looked down on the officers from up above and said "**** THAT! YOU CAN KISS MY ASS, YOU ****ING PRICK! GO SWIM IN THE BAY YOURSELF ASSHOLE! I'VE BEEN UP HERE FOR 9 ****ING HOURS, AND YOUR DUMB ASS WANTS ME TO SWIM IN THE BAY! **** THAT! WRITE MY ASS UP, DICKHEAD! SEE IF I GIVE A SHIT!"

The 3 Generals were stunned beyond belief. The Admiral turned to them and said "as you can see gentlemen, the Navy has the bravest men on the face of the earth." With that said, the Generals conceded.

----------------------------------------------------------------

LOL. See, a joke! Ah, well **** you people if you don't like it.:volcano:

[perfect]

...LOL. See, a joke! Ah, well **** you people if you don't like it.:volcano:

It's a great joke.

[Angry Ninja]

It's a great joke.

Yeah, and you had to ruin it. Here I am trying to be a good Ninja, and here you are stomping on my ass. If you weren't a chick, I would put a Kuji-Kiri curse on you. Consider yourself lucky.:volcano:

[Venzule]

It's the end to his joke. I didn't bring it up.

I see no reference to balls at the end of his joke.

I think you got balls on the brain lately.


Good joke BTW.

[perfect]

Yeah, and you had to ruin it. Here I am trying to be a good Ninja, and here you are stomping on my ass. If you weren't a chick, I would put a Kuji-Kiri curse on you. Consider yourself lucky.:volcano:

You typed too slowly.

I heard it as this:

Army: Private takes a jeep off a cliff. "That, Gentlemen, takes balls."

Marines: Private hits a bomb with a hammer. "That, Gentlemen, takes balls."

Navy: Seaman refuses to jump off the carrier to salute the Admiral. "That, Gentlemen, takes balls."

[perfect]

I see no reference to balls at the end of his joke.

I think you got balls on the brain lately.


Good joke BTW.

He told it wrong. Did I say balls in another post?

[Angry Ninja]

He told it wrong. Did I say balls in another post?

No, I told it right, but as a veteran combatant here in the volcano, I know better than to use the world "balls" in such a way, mainly to prevent people like Venzule from using the word as a weapon against me.:volcano:

[perfect]

Fly, swimming over a lake.

Fish, in the lake, looks up at the fly and thinks, "If that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a fly for lunch."

Bear, watching the fish, thinks, "If that fly drops six inches, that fish is going to jump up after it and I can have myself a fish for lunch."

Hunter, watching the bear, says, "If that fly drops six inches, that fish is going to jump up after it, that bear is going to go into the lake and I can have myself a bear skin rug."

Mouse, watching the hunter, thinks, "If that fly drops six inches, that fish is going to jump up after it, that bear is going after the fish, that hunter is going to stand up and drop his sandwich. I can have myself a sandwich for lunch."

Cat, watching the hunter, thinks, "If that fly drops six inches, the fish is going to go after it, the bear will go after the fish, the hunter will drop his sandwich, the mouse will go after the sandwich and I can have myself a mouse for lunch."

Sure enough, the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps up after it, the bear goes roaring into the lake, the hunter stands up and drops his sandwich, the mouse dives after the sandwich, the cat falls in the lake.

What is the moral of the story?


































Every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.

[Venzule]

No, I told it right, but as a veteran combatant here in the volcano, I know better than to use the world "balls" in such a way, mainly to prevent people like Venzule from using the word as a weapon against me.:volcano:

Homo

[Venzule]

He told it wrong. Did I say balls in another post?

Yes, Donkey balls. To big to fit into your mouth I think you said.

[perfect]

Yes, Donkey balls. To big to fit into your mouth I think you said.

Oh, that was in response to someone talking about the donkey balls.

Your attitude sucks donkey balls sir.
Nuff said.

[Atoyota]

I saw it coming....
But yeah it works :)

[jonyak]

What do a bucket of kentucky fried chicken and a woman have in common?























After your done with the breasts and thighs all you have left is a greasy box to stick your bone in.:eek:

[Atoyota]

Ha :D

[Branamar]

It's sunday afternoon and you are watching the game.....

Your wife keeps coming into the den from the kitchen to complain about what you did wrong.....

What did you do wrong?..............









You left her chain too long

[perfect]

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He find his way to a barstool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice,

"Hey bartender, you wanna hear the best dumb blonde joke ever?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things . . .

"One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

"Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

"Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

"Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

"Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate and a very bad attitude!

"Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says:

"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"

[Atoyota]

LOL (good)

[jonyak]

HAHA very good. I like that one.

[perfect]

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

He's always getting nailed to the boards.

[ShadeVice]

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."

[perfect]

Guy gets a whore and takes her up to a hotel room. In the room he asks for a hand job.

The whore replies, "That will be $100".

"$100? That's a lot for a hand job!"

The whore grabs the guy by the neck and pushes him against the window.

"You see that 7-11 down there?", the whore asks.

"Yes."

"I own that 7-11. Do you know why?"

"No."

"Because I give the BEST handjobs in this city."

The guy begrudgingly gives over $100 and, indeed, receives the best hand job he's ever had.

***

A few weeks later, that same guy finds the same whore and takes her up to the same hotel room.

"I'd like a blow job this time", the man says.

"$500 for a blow job."

"$500?!? That's a lot of money for a blow job."

The whore grabs the guy by the neck and pushes him against the window.

"You see that strip mall down there?", the whore inquires.

"Yes."

"I own that strip mall. Do you know why?"

"No."

"Because I give the BEST blow jobs in the city."

The guy begrudgingly gives over $100 and, indeed, receives the best blow job he's ever had.

***

A few weeks later, that same guy finds the same whore and takes her up to the same hotel room.

"I'd like to **** your pussy now", the guy states timidly, fearing the cost but desiring the pleasure.

The whore tosses him down to the floor and stands over him.

"You see this room in this hotel?"

"Yes."

"I'd own this hotel if I had a pussy."

[ShadeVice]

I see an error! :pirate:

[perfect]

A guy is suffering from massive headaches so he goes to the doctor. A MRI reveals that he has a giant tumor in his head and will require removal of a portion of his brain.

"How much brain will you have to remove?"

"About 15%"

"Will there be any side effects, like mental retardation or memory loss"

"The section affected isn't known to control either of those."

So, he gets the procedure done. After recovery, he feels fine.

"Everything went well, doctor?"

"Yes, but I'd like you to count backwards from 10 for me."

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

"Everything went great, then."

Two years pass and the tumor returns.

"How much brain will you have to remove?"

"An additional 15%"

"Will there be any side effects, like mental retardation or memory loss"

"The section affected isn't known to control either of those."

So, he gets the procedure done. After recovery, he feels fine.

"Everything went well, doctor?"

"Yes, but I'd like you to count backwards from 10 for me."

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

"Everything went great, then."

Two years pass and the tumor returns.

"How much brain will you have to remove?"

"An additional 15%"

"Will there be any side effects, like mental retardation or memory loss"

"The section affected isn't known to control either of those."

So, he gets the procedure done. After recovery, he feels fine.

"Everything went well, doctor?"

"Yes, but I'd like you to count backwards from 10 for me."

"diez nueve ocho siete seis cinco cuatro tres dos uno"

[Angry Ninja]

A guy is suffering from massive headaches so he goes to the doctor. A MRI reveals that he has a giant tumor in his head and will require removal of a portion of his brain.

"How much brain will you have to remove?"

"About 15%"

"Will there be any side effects, like mental retardation or memory loss"

"The section affected isn't known to control either of those."

So, he gets the procedure done. After recovery, he feels fine.

"Everything went well, doctor?"

"Yes, but I'd like you to count backwards from 10 for me."

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

"Everything went great, then."

Two years pass and the tumor returns.

"How much brain will you have to remove?"

"An additional 15%"

"Will there be any side effects, like mental retardation or memory loss"

"The section affected isn't known to control either of those."

So, he gets the procedure done. After recovery, he feels fine.

"Everything went well, doctor?"

"Yes, but I'd like you to count backwards from 10 for me."

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

"Everything went great, then."

Two years pass and the tumor returns.

"How much brain will you have to remove?"

"An additional 15%"

"Will there be any side effects, like mental retardation or memory loss"

"The section affected isn't known to control either of those."

So, he gets the procedure done. After recovery, he feels fine.

"Everything went well, doctor?"

"Yes, but I'd like you to count backwards from 10 for me."

"diez nueve ocho siete seis cinco cuatro tres dos uno"

Lurk Mode: OFF

I don't get it. Are you trying to say that those greasy taco benders all have brain tumors, and that is the reason why they speak Spanish? Or are you saying that if a person loses 45% of his brain, they will speak Spanish since it is a very easy language to learn. What the hell are you saying? Are you saying that if I get a goddamn brain tumor, I am going to end up carrying a leaf blower on my back? Or maybe you are trying to tell us all that deep, deep, deep inside our brains is an inner mexican, and he reveals himself only during special circumstances, like the 5th of May, a Taco Bell commercial, or a Lawn-of-the-Month competition from your local housing association. Well, I can tell you that I have no inner mexican in me whatsoever. I drink Malt Liquor; not Tecate. I eat at KFC; they eat at El Pollo Loco. Sure, the bean eating spics and the porch monkeys of the universe (with the exception of myself, of course) have a lot in common (theft, welfare fraud, gang activity, etc.), but this mud duck right here has no latino characteristics whatsoever. :volcano:

[Atoyota]

Lurk Mode: OFF

I don't get it. Are you trying to say that those greasy taco benders all have brain tumors, and that is the reason why they speak Spanish? Or are you saying that if a person loses 45% of his brain, they will speak Spanish since it is a very easy language to learn. What the hell are you saying? Are you saying that if I get a goddamn brain tumor, I am going to end up carrying a leaf blower on my back? Or maybe you are trying to tell us all that deep, deep, deep inside our brains is an inner mexican, and he reveals himself only during special circumstances, like the 5th of May, a Taco Bell commercial, or a Lawn-of-the-Month competition from your local housing association. Well, I can tell you that I have no inner mexican in me whatsoever. I drink Malt Liquor; not Tecate. I eat at KFC; they eat at El Pollo Loco. Sure, the bean eating spics and the porch monkeys of the universe (with the exception of myself, of course) have a lot in common (theft, welfare fraud, gang activity, etc.), but this mud duck right here has no latino characteristics whatsoever. :volcano:

actually this bit was funnier than the joke :)